falkeditupagain | IC contact post/voice mail

Okay, good. I was just checking. Cause that's definitely not something seventeen year olds should be doing.

Heyyyy, wait, that's not fair. I don't want to wait until I'm seventeen! Maybe like sixteen, tops.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "take time to be a kid"?

I'm fifteen and I spent my whole childhood fighting to stay alive and feeding other kids to a giant spider. I think the hoofbeasts have left the stable on that one.

... And anyway, if I did it, it doesn't mean I'd have to stop doing kid stuff.

The hell is a hoofbeast anyways?

[But, Vriska...you're going to ruin his plan at keeping you a 'wholesome' kid with his family values.]

I guess, I'm just...don't be in a rush for it, seriously. Everyone takes it differently and sometimes it's a huge issue, so. that's all I'm saying. And I suppose I have no right to tell you what you should and shouldn't do in the bedroom, but really. There isn't any rush to give that away, alright...? [Awkward talk is awkward.]

I won't rush! But when I end up wanting to I don't to wait around until I hit a certain age. You know?

... Man. I kind of miss when you saw me as a mix of all those different things. What was it you used to say? I'm like your daughter and your sister and your mom and your best friend all in one. Now it's like you think I'm just your daughter. A little kid.

I guess, I just...it's just something my parents taught me was important...i've got my own values, other people have theirs. I mean, hell. I didn't have sex until I was like twenty-five. [Which he turned last November. Obviously he was in no rush.]

And I still think of you as all those things, but...we just talk about certain things that make the daughter part stand out more, I suppose.

Bluh bluh.

[she smiles a little]

Maybe this is one of my values.

But now you've heard my stuff, so come on; tell me what's going on with you. Good and bad.

[Hanna's just going to stare at her for a moment.]

I'm kind of missing Lea. Since i've been here I haven't gotten laid at all, which okay, that kind of sucks. Just thought you should know since, well. That is so not something you'd tell your daughter.

[she laughs]

Yeah, okay. Thanks for thinking about that!

... But seriously, how are you doing? I know the Pitch stuff is really getting to you.

[He had been smiling, but when she mentions Pitch, he sobers immediately.]

Oh...well? [Have a sigh, Vriska.] I can't shake the guilt. And I feel fucking awful about it still.

You want to talk about it?

[There is a pause, staring at her, thinking about how she dragged him away from home for his own safety. How much she loved him.]

Yeah...I think I want to...[Though there is a small, sheepish smile to go with that admission.] You get to ask the questions though, and i'll talk from there. I'm not too good at talking about shit like this, so i'll need some help, alright?

[she smiles back]

Yeah, okay. And I'll do that as much as you want, okay? So you don't have to keep stuff inside that's bugging you. If you don't want to have to say everything yourself, then maybe you can tell me just to ask you a question, and I'll figure it out from there? It's a hell of a lot better than finding out you've haven't been telling me stuff, anyway.

... Okay, uh, first question. Hmmm.

[she rests on his arm as she thinks]

Is it more guilt about killing him, or about making his friends upset?

Alright...that sounds like a good plan. And...you can always ask me questions okay? I'll try my best to stay as honest as I can be.

[He'll stare a moment though, considering before he shrugs, shaking his head.] I think it's the killing him. And then...questioning my own worth as a person because of it. I didn't have to, but I did.

But you felt like you had to, right? And you didn't want to take his deal.

I promised Lea, if it came down to it, to be me or him, I'd do my best to make sure it wasn't me.

And I did that, and because of it, I feel like I lost something of myself. Because all I wanted was a fight, and he gave me more than I wanted, because of his wounded pride, and I don't think he would have stopped even if I apologized. Fuck that. We're in too deep as it is...

You should always make sure it's not you.

[she says that instinctively, without thinking-- but of course, the situation isn't that cut and dry for someone like Hanna; someone who only wants to save people]

... I mean.

If he's going after you, he's opening up the possibility of you going after him. It's not like it was out of nowhere. I like the guy, but he sure as hell wasn't innocent.

What do you think you lost? Like... innocence, or whatever?

Easy enough to say and not do, Vriska.

[The only reason why he's still standing today is because he wanted to prevent what happened to him, happening to other people.]

He likes to blame other people for his animosity. It's a joke. [But when she asks that last question, he shakes his head, swallowing and trying not to get upset by it, because she can't understand, and that's hard, because he knows that she wants to, and he wants her to as well.] My humanity...

I know.

[but oh man, the way he says those last words is heartbreaking]

[wrapping both her arms around him, she pulls him close and tries to maintain eye contact]

I don't know a ton about humans, but from what I do know... you being all worried and guilty is a good sign. If you'd really lost your humanity and become violent and hard like a troll, you wouldn't feel bad at all. But you do. You still have it, Hanna.

I...guess.

[He lets her hug him, kind of just standing there and recieving it because that admission was draining and he just wants to be held for a moment.]

I don't understand how people can do that...and not lose so much of themselves. It's hard....and it hurts.

You still seem like you. You're Hanna; there's no way you've lost that.

I hope so. [He'll lift his arms finally, pulling her close, and sighs again.]

I just have to figure that out myself first. See that I really am me, and it'll be good again.

[she rubs his back]

Between you and me? You haven't changed at all. You're still everything I love about you.

That's sweet Vriska, but...that's not exactly what I mean. It's more of just a thing I can do by myself.

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]