falkeditupagain | IC contact post/voice mail

Hey...uh, I've got to ask you a question first before I answer that...

[He pauses, considering.] Would you kiss that dude again, if she wasn't in the picture?

Why does- ok. Thats a fair question. I don't think I would?

[Thinking on it for a moment, he considered different sides. On one hand, he did it out of a skewed sense of wanting to keep him around. On the other hand.. Leon was way older and if they ever DID get into that kind of relationship, especially considering Zell's less than romantic feelings for him, Leon's rep in Adstring would go down faster than they could blink. Not to mention that Zell just generally.. hadn't yet been swayed towards other males.

I'm almost sure I wouldn't..]

I am pretty sure that barring some really weird circumstances, I wouldn't be kissing him again whether Vriska left me or not.. or even if I woke up randomly attracted to guys.

[Of this he was 90% sure. The other 10% would probably nag him for a while.]

[Hanna nods, listening. The fact that he actually thinks about it makes him feel more confident in Zell's answer.] I just wanted to know if she wasn't a second best...she's been that before and you know I'm just looking out for her.

[He shrugs.] She was upset, anyways...but. I talked to her and she decided to forgive you, even though she's mad. You have to talk to her though, kay?

No yea.. I get it.. nothing kills you inside like being someone's silver medal. An' you're her Maul..er..al.. mauril? ...advisor watcher guy.. [Troll terms..] it'd be kindve awful to string her along if I was pining over someone else..

[Ok. That's good. Their talk went well, that's good news. ...it didn't ease the dread that there would be some kind of Roomie Retribution though. He'd been threatened (sort of) by Lea before, and he knew Hanna's position. Whatever. Whatever came, he'd already come to the conclusion that he deserved it and would take it like an adult.]

Yea.. [There was a pang in his chest, even though he knew she'd been upset. Was it so much to ask for for a weird fantasy world where he didn't do stupid things that upset people he cared about?

Nervously, he scratched his neck, which in the last few days had seen far too much self inflicted abuse.] Well.. I'm glad she's decided to.. umm.. do I bring her a gift when I see her? I'm uhh.. not exactly sure if that would be throwing salt in the wound.. I dunno I can't figure out if it'd look like I was trying to bribe back favor'r not..

[After some consideration, Hanna decides to put a lock on the conversation, trying to sort out his thoughts before continuing.] I'm her moirail, but that doesn't mean much to you I'm sure. Think of it as like...Platonic life partners, I suppose. That's like, the only way I can think of describing it in human terms. But she's my family, even if she doesn't think she is, and Yeah, I look out for her...and because of that, well.

I want to give you some advice, because frankly, you remind me a lot of myself.

And...not to sound rude, but, because of that, I was waiting for you to screw up, because people like us? We fuck up. And it's okay...but, you have to know how to pick up the pieces, make it right again. And even if something has worked in the past to fix a problem, it might not be the same solution for everything.

That's why communication is key, alright? If you have a problem, you talk about it. Don't bring her anything, not until you've talked about it, okay? Because she might get mad. And the best message you can send, is preparing an apology, preparing a system of accountability, something that gives her back that sense of trust, alright? Let her know that you've been thinking about it, perhaps even more than she has, and maybe it'll work out in the end.

Edited 2013-10-19 03:41 (UTC)

....[He was almost insulted by Hanna's statement.. until he realized it was kind of true.] ..what is WRONG with people like us!? [Us! There were MORE of them!? No wonder the world is in such turmoil! He decided at that moment that his previous want for a magical fairy world where he didnt do stupid things to upset people could possibly be extended to others.

He lets out a sigh. Ok. No gift. Not yet.]

I try to do the whole communication thing.. I hate misunderstandings.. not that this was a misunderstanding, it was pretty cut and dry. I do want things to work out with us, but I thonk I have to stop doing stupid things. [This was definitely not the first time his mouth and barely stable emotional state had gotten him in trouble. Granted it was in a different way and a far different context, but the concept was the same.]

[Hanna smiles, just a little.] It's really hard, not doing stupid stuff. I've got problems with it and I've been here for almost two years, I've been dating Lea for over a year, Vriska longer...it's something that you probably won't grow out of.

But, remember that the more you realize your mistakes, the more you learn to avoid them. Sure you'll screw up from time to time, but it's a work in progress right? And keep to the communication. It's key.

Aw man, that's dark Hanna! Well, I guess the world isn't gonna sugar coat itself, y'know? ...sometimes it's really hard to see the mistakes from where I'm standing. Like I'll say stupid things or make a stupid decision an' it's not until someone's punching me in the throat that I realize how bad it was..

...an' speaking of which.. thanks for not punching me in the throat. I can see how I'd deserve it, an' i'll hold still if you want to.., but I'm pretty relieved.. to be honest..

[Seriously I was NOT looking forward to Roomie Retaliation. ....what kind of mistakes can Hanna have possibly made? Isn't he like perfect or something?]

... ... ...also what mistakes have you made? You don't make mistakes. [You have weird mystical problem solving powers.]

Edited 2013-10-20 09:02 (UTC)

It's the truth and nothing but the truth. And it isn't sunshine and roses all the time either, I'm pretty sure we both know that. [He kind of laughs at the thought of punching Zell, or rather, Zell being afraid of being punched by him. It isn't something that happens often, generally.]

Hey, if Vriska is willing to forgive you, I can't be cracking down on you. I've just got advice to give so you can make her happy again, alright?

[But, at the question, Hanna raises his eyebrow, staring at Zell like he's crazy.] Uh...I don't make mistakes? What planet do you live on? Back home, I fuck up all the time. Here, it's a little easier for me to not fuck up quite so much since i'm not working, but Vriska and I have had fights. I killed Pitch without telling anyone I was going to actually go through with it. I got into a fight with Lea that ended with me doing something even more stupid and getting myself killed...

I could go on, really I could, but seriously. I'm not perfect. No one is. Especially not me.

Huh. Yea I guess if it was always rainbows an' glitter, life'd get really boring. [He gave a light shrug. Put that way made it a lot less anxiety inducing.] ..an' thanks.. again.. I appreciate it.

[WHAT. He'd rarely been so disillusioned by something in at least 6 months (lookn' at you, the laws of time and space..). Maybe all this time, assuming Hanna was like some kind of infallible creature with no faults was probably the wrong way to misinterpret Vriska's love for him.] wow.. that's pretty bad.. ..is that how you lost your senses?

[i guess while we're bein' honest..]..ok.. you gotta promise not to take this the wrong way, but how Vriska described an' talked about you, I seriously saw you as waaaaay more with your shit together. Got a minor inferiority complex.

[This was the weirdest feeling.]

[Hanna nods.] I went out during an event that stole the light from everything...and there were animated trees and reanimated creatures all over the place. I didn't think to tell Lea or Vriska because we were having troubles...but, on my way back, I realized it was about time to, yanno. Try and fix it since it'd been over a week, but after that text, I didn't wake up for a week. When I came too, I had something stolen from me...and I found out I'd been eaten by tiger-wolves. [He wasn't very pretty.] Lesson learned there the hard way. Even if you're fighting with someone, that doesn't give you the excuse to go out and do stupid things when it's dangerous. Always go with someone if it's more of a risk than usual.

[But, the fact that anyone could feel inferior to him? That was a shocker. And it's plain to see on Hanna's face.] I...I don't even know what to say to that. She loves me, sure, but...sometimes she can gloss over my faults a bit too much. And she relies on me, probably more than I am capable of helping her with. It's...It's not at all like that. We aren't some perfect, platonic couple, and Lea and I have our fights here and there...we argue.

Don't try to focus on something so much when you think it's something that you're not, but want to become. It...well, it can really hurt you. Trust me, I know.

Edited 2013-10-25 01:08 (UTC)

Oh wow.. that's..[There's only silence from him for the moment as it all sinks in. Hanna had told him about his death before, but he'd never really gone into detail. Quite frankly, he figured it was because they weren't really close enough.

That's a hell of a way to go.. gotta've been humiliating too..

Snapping out of his momentary daze, he registers whats being said once more.]

I really.. do usually focus on my good points.. but sometimes I get to this point where I'm super aware of my faults an' it totally sucks. [This was something he very rarely felt, though recently he'd begun to notice a little more.]

Yeah, wow. That's pretty much all you can say about it. It's all I can say about it too. That's what I get for trying to prove a point and making both my partners completely unhappy with me.

But seriously, don't think that I'm some perfect guy, because I'm not. I have issues, I've just...been in a healthy environment for my mental state for a good long while. I used to be a wreck. I'm still a wreck sometimes, but I can get over it now. You just need to learn how to silence that little voice in the back of your head telling you you're not good enough, or why would they do something with you when there is that person over there they would obviously do much better with. Or at least learn to ignore it.

And it takes time, but...you get there, eventually. Just, it's different for everyone. I'm still not entirely there yet.

Did it get resolved...? Like what happened afterwards? They had to've been worried. [Have I ever done something like that? I mean there was that one time that.. wait no, I didn't alienate anyone, I just got someone sentenced to death, thats different.]

[Zell is more confused by the fact that he never used to feel this way. As a world traveling, ass kicking pretty boy with a devil may care attitude, he's not used to that nagging voice at all.] Yeaa.. I just hope it won't take tooo long.. it's kindve a new feeling, y'know? I mean I've felt like people were more talented at things or like.. better about certain things, but I've never felt envy towards 'em..

Uh.... [they hadn't actually resolved anything. And did the same thing months later.] Its kind of a work in progress...we can't come up with any good solutions yet, just...communication.

But...yanno, when you love someone its really easy to get jealous. [He is a little curious, not so sure if Zell ac tually feels that way about Vriska, but. Everyone is different and takes different spans of time, possibly forever, maybe a few days.]

[He was still a little confused about the love portion himself, being unsure of whether he was just clinging on to the nearest person he felt anything towards or if it he'd emotionally become that invested.]

Well.. if it helps.. I might've skipped the jealousy part an' gone straight to the inferiority portion.. [Wait how does that help?]

Wait, wait. Inferiority...you mean, you.. [Hanna kind of blankly stares at his PCD, the words really hard to process.

Zell had an inferiority complex. To him. Hanna. The biggest loser to ever dork all over the earth. Well.] That's...uh.

That's really sad dude. I'm kind of a loser. You shouldn't feel like that at all.

[Sometimes being openly honest about his feelings did not make him feel better, but it seemed like recently he was also being quickly disillusioned about the people he'd come to see as 'having their shit together', not in fact having their shit together. This went for his homeworld as well as well as his newfound residence. There was a dark place forming in his 17 year old mind.]

I'm cooomplicated. [He whined, sighing.] I dunno though, you always seem to know what to say or do in certain situations that I usually find myself just exasperating people.

[In that respect...Hanna has a lot of experience.] Okay, so. You know how when you screw up you have to learn how to fix it? Most people who are good with advice, or know what to say? They know because in the past they've not said the right thing. And they've screwed up.

Life is kind of like, a really shitty training video before they release you onto the floor of the job of life. It's all just, learning as you go. And sometimes you'll say the wrong thing, and you learn from that. So...that's maybe why I seem so put together to you. I've had a lot of experience fucking up, and i'm reaping the rewards of that finally, but not fucking up so much.

Can't they make a pre-training training video!? Hanna, life is weird and hard. I've been been shot back and forth through time, forced into someone else's body to watch their memories, ended up in Adstring, fought legends... but its weird because when you interact with people you care about, the way they react is such a variable and whatever you do is going to be there forever.

[There's a ¤thunk¤ in the background as his head hits the wall.]

Hey! Hey, no self-abuse while I'm giving you advice man. I know what you have to do to make that sound! [He does that all the time.]

Just, know that other people are learning just like you, so a lot of time they understand when you fuck up. If they care, they'll be willing to work on it. Fix things. Relationships are like, a stupid work in progress, for ever.

Fine.. [There's a flump as he unceremoniously flops on to the bed.]

True.. ...wait ..like forever ever? [There's a sudden shock in his voice.] I mean it gets easier, right!? [Have romance novels truly lied to him!?]

Forever, ever. Sorry.

Though it does get easier, just...never perfect.

Oh cool, 'least there's hope! Just you know, hopefully it doesn't take toooo many years.

[He was starting to feel optimistic again. Even if he screwed up this time, and had screwed up with his choice of words and badly inserted humor a few times already, there was hope for the future. He'd already learned not to joke around when Vriska was in a bad mood. Not making out with guys from a sideways dimension to his world shouldn't be tooo hard. In fact that should be much easier since there was only one and that much of the situation was escalated by misunderstanding. Alcohol or not, he cognitively made a choice that day, and it was a stupid one, but one that he would not be making again.]

Hey Hanna..?

Well, one can hope, but it all depends on what happens from here on out that'll give you that answer, Zell.

[And, feeling a little better about this whole conversation, like he had actually gotten through to the blonde, he smiles when he says his name, responding gently.]

Yes?

IC contact post/voice mail - ADSTRING

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