falkeditupagain | IC contact post/voice mail

[she sits there next to him for a good few minutes, staring out across the room, lost in thought]

[then she stands up, walks over to the closet, and pulls out a shotgun]

[nightmares forever at one of the absolute worst times possible for them, or the chance-- just the chance; nothing set in stone-- of her getting hurt?]

[maybe it's worth gambling for after all]

[If he would be just, looking in on the scene? It might be hilarious, but there is nothing about it right now. A child...just fourteen holding a shotgun and ready to use it.

Even if Vriska isn't human, it still bothers him every time.] V-vriska..I wasn't being serious, when I said that.

Maybe, but you were right. This isn't going to stop until he's gone.

[He swallows hard, knowing that's probably true, but...]

He'll just come back and start it all over again, and you'll be a victim too. I don't want you to go out there and look for him.

Hanna, I have nightmares anyway. All trolls do. I'm used to them; they don't bother me. I'm like one of the only people here who couldn't be his victim.

{she grips the gun tighter]

I won't do it if you really don't want me to, but maybe I should at least try.

I did too, but never like this...

[He sighs and shakes his head again.] I don't want you to go out there, Vriska. Its bad enough everyone had to keep me from getting my ass kicked the other day. I just...

No more fighting for a while...for me? Please?

... Okay.

[she reluctantly puts the gun back in the closet, then sits down next to him, putting her head on his shoulder]

But Hanna? Say the word, and I'd fight for you any day.

I know Vriska.

[Axel'd do the same thing for him. And...well? If it was to protect her so would he.]

Maybe you should lie down again.

[he'd gotten an hour of sleep before the nightmares came; if he tried again he might be able to snatch a little more]

I don't think I want to...

... Okay.

[she reaches for his hand again, threading their fingers together; until he moves, she'll just sit here with him]

I shouldn't just sit here all day...I've already wasted two days anyways.

[But he'd rather sit here some more and he's so tired, he has no idea what he would even do.]

You haven't wasted shit. There isn't anything you have to do.

[but he still looks exhausted, and she's pretty tired herself]

Do you want to talk?

There is plenty I could be doing...

I could help people do important stuff, but instead I'm sitting around feeling sorry for myself and missing...[He trails off, quiet for a minute. His hands scrub at his eyes again but he really doesn't think he has any tears left in him.] Missing Axel...

Other people can do the important stuff. I want you to stay here.

I feel like if I stay inside much longer I'm never going to leave again.

[she shrugs a little, not sure how much she's supposed to push it-- if he really insists on going out, she doesn't want to force him to stay in, even though she's pretty sure he's only wanting to do it because he thinks he's supposed to]

Do you want me to g-- uh, like, do you want to be alone again?

[Hanna really doesn't do miserable well. Especially the kind of misery that is coupled with heartbreak. It isn't like when they had fought and not talked to each other for two weeks. Even if one of those weeks he was dead, but still. This was entirely different. He was gone, and Hanna wasn't known for doing anything gracefully other than draw runes.

This definitely wasn't an exception.]

I don't even know what I want, Vriska...it's like mood swings, except my brain cannot decide whether I am fine with sharing this, or being alone and drowning in it.

[OOC: her letter, but I then I completely forgot]

You can share anything with me; you know that, right? Even if it's mood swings or crying or screaming or just not doing anything. Or being weak or stupid or whatever you think you are right now.

And, you know, if you want to be alone instead? That's cool, too. I mean it. I was weird about it before because I was just embarrassed that I was following you around like an idiot when you just wanted to be by yourself. And I thought a lot about this stuff when you were in the basement, and I decided that it's pretty stupid for me to be sad or feel like a failure or whatever if being around me isn't doing anything right now. If we'd been together for years and years maybe that'd be a problem, but I've only been your moirail for like a month! It's a completely new thing for you.

[pause]

-- And I know I'm talking a lot. I just want you to know why it's okay if you want to be alone, so that you don't think I'm only saying it is to make you feel better.

Edited 2013-02-08 04:20 (UTC)

Well...We both need to be alone sometimes, you know? Even if he really like each other, we're not going to always be right there every single time. I don't want to suffocate you with being around too much and I'm sure neither do you. We're...I guess functional, and I like that.

And you're getting better at that whole, listening and understanding me thing. I like that too.

Because what I'm feeling right now? It's not your fault, and not something you should feel bad about, and if there is something I feel like I have to tell you? I know I will...just, none of it seems even a tiny bit important to me...so I don't feel like I need to, or want to talk about it. Does that make sense? [Because that's how he felt. He didn't feel like talking about his issues, and its the same old rap, where he should be doing something, or feeling like he should, and all he wanted to do was go curl up.]

It's just...depression is one of those things...I guess, the more you talk about it, it only feels like you're trying to justify yourself, and I don't want to feel like this, so I don't want to justify it.

[Vriska listens while he talks, nodding a little when he's done]

Yeah, I know what you mean. And I don't want to make you talk or justify yourself or whatever. I think we're kind of talking about two different things when we're talking about being alone, but I don't think we should figure that out now. We can talk about it later. A lot later.

[she bumps him lightly with her shoulder, then stands up]

Try to believe me when I say I don't feel bad, okay? Because I don't.

[-- well, no, that's not true; she feels bad about a lot of things-- Axel being gone, Hanna being hurt so much, past events, worrysing about the future-- but none of them are Hanna making her feel bad]

I mean, I don't feel bad about you.

I'm going to go into the living room, okay? If you want to come find me later-- not to talk if you don't want to, just to be together-- you can. I'm not gonna leave the house.

[at the door, she pauses for a second, then looks over her shoulder]

And-- hey. You know I more than "really like" you, right? It goes a lot, lot deeper than that. Don't let your shitty self esteem make you forget that.

Edited 2013-02-09 02:49 (UTC)

Maybe we can watch a movie later...[One that isn't about love and losing it or something, though those are sometimes hard to find.] But, I think I'm going to walk the dog or something. Get my mind off of things.

[And when she turns to leave he gives her his little smile, it's hard to do it, but he feels like they both need it.]

No...it's not that. I just, I dunno. Bad wording I guess.

Love you, Vriska.

Me too.

[him trying to smile kind of breaks her heart a little]

Can I walk you to the door?

Yeah...sure thing, Vriska.

[And he'll be calling the dog, walking towards the door with an arm around her.]

[she finds his hand as they walk, squeezing it]

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falkeditupagain - 2013-02-09 19:34 (UTC) - Expand

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dicey - 2013-02-09 19:38 (UTC) - Expand

IC contact post/voice mail - ADSTRING

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YOU DON'T MIND IF I ADD IN OTHER STUFF DO YOU I was going to make her say something like this in--

No prob<3

and I'm doing it again; this is why I'm bad at writing long tags sob

You're okay xD no worries

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