falkeditupagain | TLV IC Inbox

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[It seems someone has decided to change his voicemail following graduation. Hes trying so hard to sound professional, business like, but Hanna's usual enthusiasm bleeds through easily.]

You have reached the mailbox of Hanna Cross. If you don't have an appointment, my secretary will follow up with a return message shortly. [a short pause.] meaning me. I'll get back to you, don't worry.

And if this is an emergency what are you doing on the phone? Cardio is your friend. byyyye!

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Sheehan tilts his head. "It sounds like you don't want it to be that way. No one expects you to help someone who hurt you. You are a person, Hanna. You are not a saint. You are not a martyr. You are a man."

He puts a hand on Hanna's shoulder. "I would put my life on the line to save almost anyone. But Collins? I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire...at least for five seconds. You are not required to care about everyone the same way, son. That's exhausting and unrealistic. And it does not make you a bad person."

"Thats not true." He pushes against that, because its what he's been doing for almost a year.

"The Cat King locked me in a room, waited outside so he could hear me dying while I tried bargaining with him to let me out. And then we were paired less than a month later." He was expected to care for his inmate, to keep him safe and to keep him from harming other people.

He thinks he's done a good job of it, but he'd had to swallow down a lot to do it, knew Vincent hadn't been happy with the arrangement. But he did it because it was expected of him and he didn't want to disappoint himself or anyone else around him that might question his right to be a warden in the first place.

"And it is exhausting, but why can't I just suck it up this time? Do it again? It- it shouldn't be this hard when I've done it before."

"That's different. You have a specific duty to the Cat King. One that was rather unfairly thrust on you and then you had to adapt. But it doesn't have to be your natural inclination. I'm not - " He pauses. "I'm not telling you to let him get hurt. To let him suffer. I'm trying to tell you that the inclination to hesitate does not make you a bad person. There is nothing to fix."

Hanna's hand comes up to the one on his shoulder, holding it and rubbing the back of Sheehan's hand with his thumb. Its hard to look him in the eye, because he's still not sure he agrees, but... it does help, hearing it.

"Are you sure?" He bites his lip, finally glancing up at Sheehan, "like, really sure?"