falkeditupagain | TLV IC Inbox

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[It seems someone has decided to change his voicemail following graduation. Hes trying so hard to sound professional, business like, but Hanna's usual enthusiasm bleeds through easily.]

You have reached the mailbox of Hanna Cross. If you don't have an appointment, my secretary will follow up with a return message shortly. [a short pause.] meaning me. I'll get back to you, don't worry.

And if this is an emergency what are you doing on the phone? Cardio is your friend. byyyye!

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[He'll slip right in, unsure where to put his handful, but isnt so worried about it.]

So, what's up dude?

[Cheradenine flops on his bed and waves at a small table nearby.]

Put your stuff there.

I told Tendi, now I need to tell you. About my Big Secret.

[There it goes, set on the table. Hanna finds a spot on the edge of his bed and sits, resting on a hand.]

I mean, you don't have to, but I'm happy to listen if you're willing to share.

I want to. I want it out there.

[So, if Hanna stops liking him, stops wanting to be around him, he can deal with that. And get on with his life.]

Alrighty, well I'm strapped in.

[And since Hanna has his own abandonment issues going on, he's not going anywhere, Cherade. Don't you worry your little head about it.]

[So he begins.]

A long time ago, on the planet I'm from, there was a civil war. I was on one side and my brother was on the other. We'd been winning, for a while, but then we were beaten back to our fortress. They were outside, waiting to starve us out. I... I had to do something.

[Hanna pulls up a leg, getting comfortable as he listens.

Hes going to try and not interrupt but then he isnt the best at keeping still or being quiet. But there is certainly an effort being made.]

She was there, with me. My sister. Darckense.

She died. I don't... I don't remember how.

But that gave me a weapon. Something I could use against my brother. I... I mutilated her body. Turned it into a chair. He killed himself. I won.

[There is something very upsetting about what Cherade has just said, and yet Hanna has to sit there a moment trying to figure out what that would look like.

He...isnt sure he can visualize it, but that isnt the sort of clarifying question that you ask your drunk friend as he's just confessed something he feels terrible about.]

Was... [He shifts again, making sure he can make eye contact.]

Was there ever a moment where you looked at what you did, how all that shit unraveled, and felt like you'd done the right thing?

[When Hanna makes eye contact, the tears that had been building spill over.]

For about a second. Then I realized what I'd done. What I was capable of.

H-hey, I didn't ask to upset you. Comere...

[Hanna might be a tiny, bony man, but he pats his thigh in case Cherade wants a hug.]

Everyone is capable of being a monster, but that doesn't mean you're one all the time. You found the limit, that's your shame, your turning point. You recognized it, now you've got to defeat it, right?

[He does want a hug. He practically dives for Hanna.]

I tried. For a century. It didn't work.

[Hanna is easily bowled over, and for the moment he pushes down the instinct to push Cheradenine off, because he's kind of on top of him, and that makes it harder to hide the fact that he's got staples under his shirt. Some vulnerability deserves his own, he supposes, and he wraps his arms around him, giving him as tight a squeeze as he can manage.]

If people were meant to do shit all by themselves, we wouldn't get lonely, man. You don't have to do it by yourself, and maybe that's the difference between now and a century?

[Cheradenine's too wrapped up in his own emotions to notice any staples. He's just glad he's getting a hug.]

Maybe. No one else helped me, then. I didn't really... have... friends.

[And a hug he's getting, Hanna can squeeze pretty damn good for a man who barely weighs a hundred pounds and feels often like he's less.]

That's a fucking mood. I...get that part. But I'm here now, right? And it might not make what happened okay, but we can focus on what we can help, and that's the you that's here with me now.

[Cheradenine is just so relieved that Hanna hasn't left him and wants to help that he starts bawling.]

[Han a wouldn't say this is awkward, but he definitely is trapped under his drunk and crying friend, holding onto him and rubbing his back as best he can.

It isnt a chore, he wants to be here, but man his leg is gonna fall asleep fairly quickly and cherade is a lot heavier than he is. This is fine. Big guy needs it.]

[Cheradenine's tears trail off after a while and he sits up, wiping his face. He's not sure what to say.]

[Hanna has managed to avoid having any limbs fall asleep, leaning back on a hand.]

You...should probably drink some water, dude. Wash your face. You'll feel a little better?

Yeah. Can I...

[He trails off and waves at Hanna's bathroom, then gets up.]

Go right ahead.

[He's going to get a glass of water for him in the mean time.]

[He washes his face, staring at himself in the mirror as he does. The spate of tears sobered him up a little and he's not quite sure how he feels. Relief, yes, that Hanna hadn't pushed him away. But also a strange emptiness. He'd told the two most important people in his life. He'd faced his fears. Now what?

After a moment, he shrugs, walks back into Hanna's room, and takes the glass of water.]

Thanks.

[Hanna's sitting criss-cross on his bed, waiting patiently for the other man to come out of the bathroom and nodding to him when he does.]

How you feeling? Honestly, when I talk about my own bullshit I feel like ass, but that might not be universal.

[He thinks about it for a moment.]

Ass is a good descriptor, I think. I was... I'd convinced myself that no one would want to be near me after I told them about what I'd done. I hadn't really thought about any other options.

As someone who was 'too much' and got left behind because of shit I couldn't let go, I totally understand that. You get...like, stuck in that? Convinced it will happen every time, and then it just ends up being this self fulfilling prophesy.

But that's the nice thing about being here, I think. It's...different, and it isn't that I don't care about it, what you did, but I care about you, and I know you, and that's more important.

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CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

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Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide

Re: CW: Desecration of a corpse, suicide