falkeditupagain | TLV IC Inbox

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[It seems someone has decided to change his voicemail following graduation. Hes trying so hard to sound professional, business like, but Hanna's usual enthusiasm bleeds through easily.]

You have reached the mailbox of Hanna Cross. If you don't have an appointment, my secretary will follow up with a return message shortly. [a short pause.] meaning me. I'll get back to you, don't worry.

And if this is an emergency what are you doing on the phone? Cardio is your friend. byyyye!

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He shrugs. Offering a more detailed explanation of why he's not mad would involve a discussion of his issues that Hanna hasn't signed up for. Nico hasn't signed up for it, either. Hanna's close enough.

"What would that look like?"

"I don't fucking know, Im not-" he winces as that chest pain comes back and waits for it to pass before continuing, "I'm not a warden. Make me write lines or something? I don't think that would do shit but- I feel like I learned my lesson but who else is going to believe that if nothing happens to me?"

"You have to live knowing you played a part in other people... getting hurt. If writing lines cleared that up, I think you'd have gotten in a lot less trouble."

He takes a moment to steady himself, and try to straighten out his jumbled words.

"As for what other people think... writing lines seems more, uh, dismissive." He knows it's just an example, but it's a useful one for his point. "The only way to show you've learned a lesson is to... show it. It would be nice if it was... easier."

Hanna already lives with that every day. It's something that keeps happening despite his best efforts, and he isn't sure what he can do to keep it from happening over and over again in all the ways it has.

"Okay, so unfortunately dying to fix my whoopsie is probably not enough. And you're smarter than me, so what ever you want, you got it. Not like I am in any position to veto, but. You know what I mean."

"It depends on what you want your apology to do..." He's watched a lot of propaganda videos, but that's besides the point.

"You should probably say something soon. If you want to stop theorizing." It's not going to help with people being pissed off when it's so close to their most recent traumas, but that's another part that's always going to be true. "What do you want to say?" He feels like he should help him workshop it. Besides, if people haven't caught him in a conspiratorial mood, he's rarely rambling. It might serve as a balance.

"I don't think I should have an agenda other than 'I fucked up, it was an accident, I'm sorry.'" Really Nico, he's not running for president.

"And I was planning on it as soon as I could really. I don't want anyone finding out I did this before I have a chance to say something. That'd make it worse..." He'd already waited a week, though not owning up to it during was something he'd defend seeing as his own death was vital to fixing it.

"But the gist is like, 1. Apologize first, because that's Important, and 2. Explain maybe a little bit about how magic works in my world, that...most of time, when I find a spell like this, I spend the time figuring it out and it doesn't even work. And when it does, it's not summoning hell or what ever."

"There's always an agenda. It's just conscious or unconscious."

He considers taking out a protein bar the but even the idea of trying to eat almost makes him sick. "I'd just apologize. You can say that you messed up, and didn't have any idea that this would happen. You can explain more if someone asks, but going into how magic works on your world... it could be easy to get lost. And people might take it as an excuse." He thinks a moment. "Maybe... you were trying to figure out a spell, but you're not used to them working. When you're talking to everyone, it's better to keep stuff to the point."

Hanna frowns, patting his pocket where his marker had been and leans over to grab a sheet of paper from the chair next to his bed working as a side table, "okay. Apologize, acknowledge I fucked up, and that it was an accident that's outcome was not anything I expected." He paused, staring at it. "What format should I do this? Like it's going to be obvious I died, pretty sure. I look and sound like garbage."

"Video. People will be able to see that there have been consequences." If people want to see some sort of physical punishment... this might serve as proof to some of them that it doesn't actually help.

"And if they ask how I died, should I tell them I did it to stop this shit? I feel like that's taking credit for fixing my own problem, you know?"

"You did die to stop it, right?"

He nods slowly, pretty sure he just said that, but clarifying anyways, "of course. Because it was necessary. Magic like that tends to have a cost. Though I didn't exactly realize what kind of shit I'd actually messed with until after I cast it."

He almost adds the referential material apparently is in another book, but he doesn't really want to explain how he knew that, even if it was found put retrospectively.

"If someone asks, then tell them the truth. Pretending you didn't take responsibility for your actions isn't any better than pretending you don't hold any bit of responsibility for what happened."

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